Friends With Benefits Explained: More than just sex

Some people yearn to be married or love the commitment of a true relationship. They revel in having one person to share everything with, the responsibility of caring for another individual, and the inner joy of this “love” thing I hear about.

You also have a group that subscribes to the “player for life” mentality. Manogamy is a curse word to these people and offensive to the ears. They are having “fun” and looking for nothing more than good times and casual sex. The number of “conquests” is a bragging right, and they will quickly tell you about the one person who was good enough to actually get a repeat.

But what about the person in between these two. What about the person that doesn’t want the headache of a boyfriend or girlfriend, still wants someone to go out with and “sleep” with, and just has no desire of sleeping around like crazy. Well, the answer is …a friend-with-benefits.

This isn’t about the greatness of the FWB, this is to dispel some common misconceptions about this great “relationship derivative” created to fill a unique need in this new generation.

Friends With Benefits are not Cut  (or commonly known as “fuck”) Buddies!

“Cut buddies” are people used for sex. You sleep with them, they leave, that’s it. You don’t care about their mother, you don’t care about how their day was, and you don’t care about anything expect “are you coming over and do you have a way to get home before the morning!”

The friend-with-benefits is a thing of beauty. They are a friend. Someone you care about, talk to, and possibly have a history with. You can depend on them if your in trouble and they can call on you. They probably have loaned you money or helped you out with some trouble you had. There is a good chance you can call them to get their opinion on something, or just to see how their day was. The one thing that separates this friend from that old college buddy is that she/he helps fulfill a need that both of you suffer from; good sex.

The key to the term is “friend”. With a cut-buddy, they aren’t your friend. They serve a purpose. Their like a car. You use it for a purpose. With a car, you might “love” it, and you take care of it, but you would trade it in if someone gave you enough money and you will get rid of it when it can’t provide any longer. This is the same as a cut-buddy, not something to be loved or cared about, but something to maintain as long as it does the job.

A friend-with-benefits is like a dog. You honestly love your dog. It’s not the same love as a child or significant other, but its love. If your dog is hurt, you take care of it, and try and make its recovery as painless as possible. Its not just a thing, you love it.

Friends-with-benefits and cut-buddies are not the same and not to be mixed up. Please use these terms correctly, know what your getting into and what to expect. Don’t get caught looking stupid.

What is your favorite? Friends-with-benefits, cut-buddy, or a simple relationship?

Fake Ass Boyfriend (FAB): The Definition

Hypothetical conversation:

Girl #1 -“You and Tim been chilling hard for a minute … you two dating now?”
Girl #2 -“Hell naw girl … that’s just my F-A-B!”
He is always around you. You talk late into the night. You’ve slept with him … as in the same bed … but he didn’t touch you. You have cried in his arms after the guy you were sleeping with dumped you. He has taken care of you when you were sick. He has picked you up when your “man” was tripping. He is one of your best friends.

One problem … he is hopelessly in love with you … and you don’t want to believe it. This is your FAB, aka Fake Ass Boyfriend.

What makes him a “fake ass boyfriend” though? Boyfriend? Its simple really.

Your FAB provides all of the benefits of a boyfriend … companionship, emotional support, paid dates and dinners, all that good stuff … but he gets none of the benefits. While I feel relationships benefit women more than men, there are some benefits for us (and not always sex) such as monogamy, emotional support and  well something … but the FAB gets none. In addition, your probably dating other guys that pale in comparison to this guy, and love to tell him all about it.

Yes, this poor excuse of a man is your FAB. You think he is your friend, your convinced he is nothing more than a buddy, you would even put money on it … but really he is just too soft let his intentions known. Women love attention, time, emotions, and all that soft mushy stuff. This sucker thinks if he provides them to you long enough, he will eventually win your heart … but this poor chump is mistaken.

As a case study, I will use the #1 FAB of all time … Steve Urkel. Actually, he had a step up on a lot of these “new age FABs” … because he was quick to tell Laura he loved her. There was no doubt in her mind. In Laura’s case, she decided to continue treating Steve as a friend. Maybe she thought if she acted like it and believed hard enough … Steve would eventually give up his infatuation and become nothing more than a friend. Poor Steve.

I plea with any woman reading this … please let these poor guys go. Let them move on and actually pursue someone who likes them back. The primary excuse given to me by females when presented with this is “I can’t control him. If he wants to mow my lawn and take out my trash … that’s on him. He should know I’m not interested”. But the thing you fail to realize is … this poor guy is incapable of letting go.

5 Ways to Know She Likes You

As a guy, deciphering a woman’s real feelings towards you is a science. Yes, there are still some good honest women who just want to find a good man, don’t play games, and know how to treat a man. They are the ones you want to marry, mother your children, and spend all your time and energy on … and they deserve it.

Sadly, a large portion of the female population aren’t quite as perfect. Its easy that the girl your talking to or spending time and money on doesn’t really like you, but just wants attention, your money, or a FAB (fake ass bboyfriend, I’ll discuss this later). I touched on this before with Indicators of Interest, but this is the cheat sheet. Its important to weed them out, so here are 5 little tips to help weed them out.

She Actually Calls You Without Asking for Something

Women hate calling men they don’t like. Its a waste of time for them, and the whole time they will be rolling their eyes as you talk and thinking “why am I on the phone”. They will seem distant and uninterested. And if every call is just to set up a date at a restaurant or to ask for money or gifts, leave her alone, she’s not for you! Turn and run completely!

On the flip side, if she really likes you (and is mature), she will want to talk to you and return your calls and even initiate a conversation. If her number never comes up on your phone … think about it.

She Pays for Something … Anything

If she is just looking to use you, she will not pay for anything. Also, paying for a man is like a cardinal sin for 90% of women. It doesn’t have to be significant or major, even if its the popcorn and drinks at the movies, it is significant. If she offers to buy you dinner, then rest easy my friend … she likes you.

She Invites You Over to Spend the Night

You might have sex with her this time, but that’s okay (I’m not judging). A woman (and most men) don’t want some stranger they don’t like in their house, so if your invited in that means something. If you are invited over and then told to spend the night (in the same room), there is a chance that she likes you. Someone who doesn’t want you in their living space and always wants to meet at Ruth’s Chris (or some equally pricey restaurant or bar) … is probably playing you. Drop her.

She Does Something She Knows Only You Will Like

This is basic and gender neutral, but very significant when done by a woman for a man. A woman is not going to waste her time actual listening to your likes and interests if she does not like you … let alone actually act on them. If she takes to time to buy, arrange, plan, or just find that one thing that is particular to you … good chance she likes you. It also counts if its something that all guys like, but most women hate ( like that threesome you always wanted).

She Leans In to Kiss You

Very Significant! A woman kissing you is by itself is a sign, because while we think “would I sleep with her” … women think “would I kiss him”. But don’t be fooled, you can surprise her and she may kiss you back out of a feeling of commitment or obligation. If you lean in, but not all the way … and she comes towards you to kiss you … that’s powerful. That means she wants to kiss you, and likes you enough to actually come to you.

This one is for the guys. Take these … use them … and feel free to add, argue, on anything I have to say … but at the end of the day … if she shows all 5 … 95% she actually likes you and isn’t trying to play you.